A lot has happened in a month.  Lily is growing like crazy, Momma started a new job, tons of stress due to life and Lily's dad.  Lots of good going on and just as much bad too. 

Lily is up to almost 11 pounds and almost 23 inches long.  She's doing great.  Outgrowing all of her clothes sooooo fast.  She is definitely a Mommy's girl too.  I'm just so in awe of everything she does every day that I just don't even know what to say about her.  She's getting so vocal. She talks all day every day.  She loves to lay on Grandma's bed and talk up a storm and she yells at the TV like her Grandpa too.  She's started to enjoy the lights and toys hanging on her swing, rocking seat, and play mat.  She focuses on them and will start swatting at them soon. 

Started a new waitressing job.  It's pretty simple, so far just part time hours but I'm glad to have a job at all. 

As much stress as I've had lately with Lily's dad I just can't keep my head straight.  I'll try to find some time to keep up on this blog, but honestly, it's gonna be hard.  Workin' single Mommy doesn't have much time for anything. 

Today Lily smiled intentionally for the first time!!!  She's had quite a few sleepy smiles and a few moments where her face smiled but it was obviously just relfexive muscles.  Today was different.  She smiled and giggled at Mommy while I was talking to her.  Toothless grins are my absolute favorite too.  Her whole face lit up when she smiled and realized my positive reaction to her smiling.  I'm going to work on getting a good smiley picture tomorrow to show off.  We're also going to work on a few pictures of Lily posed next to her scrapbook that I put her full name on.  It doesn't sound very fun but I promise the pictures will be cute. 

Also on the board for Mommy tomorrow is the beginning of a job search.  Thought about going back to my previous job but I just can't risk being promised things I'll never actually get as far as a schedule goes.  I'm going to look for a full time, day time position somewhere.  There are a few places around town hiring waitresses so I'll be trying my luck there first.  Once a job is acquired I'll be able to start saving to get school paid off, buy a car, and prepare to move.  Lots to think about and lots to prepare for mentally, physically and financially too.  I know I said before that I decided to move back to Warrensburg but I don't think I'm completely sold on that idea.  Warrensburg is somewhere that's easy for me to get complacent and not move forward.  I know it's different now that I have Lily, she's my entire reason for everything I'm going to do and accomplish in the future but I don't want to set myself up for failure.  I miss everything about home, except the drama that surrounds being in your hometown.  And of course the drama surrounding Lily's dad and his girlfriend.  I really don't want to be anywhere near that nonsense.  I want to be closer so that Lily can develop a strong relationship with her dad but I don't want to be anywhere near his issues with his girlfriend. 

Like I said, so much to think about and prepare for.  I've got plenty of time to do it though.  For now concentrate on the small feats.  Getting some good pictures tomorrow and picking up a few apps to turn in next week.  Gotta get the steady job before I can worry about anything else.

We had an absolutely fantastic weekend.  Left the house on Wednesday afternoon and didn't return until Sunday morning.  The extended visit was filled with lots of fun and plenty of new faces for Lily to see. 

Wednesday we spent the night with Lily's Great Grandma and Great Grandfather Brandt.  Granny sure does love all the babies and she took great pleasure in being able to feed Lily now that she's supplementing with formula.  Grandfather got to talk to her and spend some time with her too.  It was good to see my grandparents and felt good to just enjoy their company and conversation. 

Thursday morning we got up, had breakfast with the grandparents, sat and talked with Granny for a few hours after Grandfather went to work and then we headed into Warrensburg after lunch.  We went to Uncle Zack and Aunt Kierra's house on Thursday and the kiddos were there too.  There were so many babies running around their apartment I thought I was going to lose my head but it was tons of fun too. 

Friday morning I got to show Libby and Bubba how to make Grandpa's pancakes from scratch.  They loved helping and did a great job taking turns too.  Zack didn't have to work until 5 on Friday so we hung out there most of the day.  I got to go see Amanda and Katie Sue for a little while and we came home with a bunch of fun hats that I will be getting pictures of on Lily's head.  After the day with Zack and a few friends we went to my sister's new apartment and stayed the night with her.  She and her boyfriend made us dinner and it was delicious.  Aunt Chris finally came around and wanted to hold Lily since she's grown a bit and isn't as tiny as the last time we visited.  Raven got to sleep with Grandma on an air mattress and Lily and I slept in her bed.  Spent a couple hours braiding all of Raven's hair to create a krimped look for her upcoming day at the fair with Grandma and Grandpa.  She loved it. 

Saturday was a lot of fun for me too.  Lily and I got to spend the day with Kierra and Sebastian.  We got to do the whole baby talk stuff and complain together about the same things.  It was quite a bonding moment if I don't say so myself. :)  Saturday night we went out to Aunt Annie and Uncle Marc's house after the day at the fair.  We got to hear some live guitar played by one of their friends, Bob.  It was a great way to end the weekend and made me miss the true relaxation that comes with being in the country.

Throughout the entire weekend that we were in Warrensburg DeMarcus did spend some time with Lily every day.  He may not have spent very much time in between work and whatever else he does but he did make an effort to see her after we were already in town.  Every day I offered to let him change diapers, make bottles, feed her, burp her, and even give her a bath.  He refused most of them.  He did feed her and after watching me burp her he did that too.  Finally on the last day I told him he didn't have an option of making her bottle and changing her diaper so he asked for my help and guidance and finally did so.  It was a long process but I was glad he was willing to learn.  Every time we have to interact I worry more about how this whole co parenting thing is going to play out.  He's threatened with going to court a couple of times but personally I think they're empty threats and he'd never follow through with it.  But maybe I'm wrong. 

Spending time with the kiddos and seeing my siblings made me realize just how much I really do miss Warrensburg.  I miss seeing my brother and sister and knowing about their lives.  I miss being an every day part of my niece's and nephew's lives too and I want Lily to be able to grow up surrounded by her cousins and other family.  So I've decided that my end goal is to get back to Warrensburg.  I know I have a lot to do and prepare for before that is possible but I have a goal and I fully intend to achieve it. 

Didn't get many pictures this weekend because I was too busy enjoying my family and some time to relax.  Here are a few of the ones I did get. 

Today is the fifth.  Lily is a whole month old today and I just can't believe it.  How could an entire month have flown by that quickly?  Why couldn't time fly that quickly when I was pregnant?  In the last month she's had plenty of milestones met.  She's rolled over, started to coo and make verbal sounds, learned to recognize Mommy visually and by the sound of my voice and so much more.  She's gained some weight and an inch of height too.  Today at the WIC office she was weighed and measured... Up to 7 pounds 13 ounces and a whole 20.5 inches.  That's more than a pound gained since birth and exactly one inch. 

Our latest adventure started last night when she was given a bottle of breast milk for the first time.  During this 4 week growth spurt she's been eating nonstop and especially yesterday she hate for 5 hours constantly and I began to worry that she wasn't getting enough milk, or that my milk supply was not enough to satisfy her.  After going into WIC today to talk to the nurse about her weight gain, feeding habits, and fussyness we decided that she needs to be supplemented with some formula.  Not a lot, but in order to ensure she's getting enough to eat without killing Mommy by eating 24/7 nonstop.  So far she's still taking to breast feeding after having the bottle with breast milk and she had 2 ounces of formula in between her last feeding and now when she acted like she still wasn't satisfied after 40 minutes of feeding.  So, in the next hour she should be waking up to eat again and we'll see if she still takes to the breast of if she's going to refuse.  I hope that she will continue to breast feed while being supplemented with formula too.  I know that breast milk has tons of great stuff for her and is made especially for her so I want to continue to breast feed as long as possible while still making sure she is properly nourished with the supplement of formula.  We will see what happens over the next couple of days.  I'm prepared for the possibility of her refusing the breast and only wanting to eat formula so we may have to switch but I'm hoping not. 

After a couple of weeks with the breast pump I've encountered numerous problems.  I have anxiety issues to begin with and I just can't mentally relax enough to allow a steady flow of milk production during pumping sessions.  I've tried dimming the lights, soft music, hand expression, manual pumps, electric pumps, pumping on one side while she's feeding on the other and I've not been able to pump more than 1.5 ounces out of both breasts combined.  I am going to continue to pump as much as I can, but I don't suspect I'll be able to create a big enough stockpile to last very long once I go back to work.  I've begun to prepare myself for the day we have to switch to solely formula feeding.  I'm not exactly sure why it's having such an emotional effect on me but it is.  Makes me feel like I've failed her in some way because my body can't create the food she needs.  Consciously I know that's not true and that I can't help my inability to create enough milk supply but I can't seem to shake this feeling of failure.  I have and will continue to tell myself she's done great so far and got the most important part, the colustrum, the first few days of life.  She's also had an entire month so far and hopefully a few more weeks at least to get all the nutrients she can from me. 

In relation to food, kind of, her poop has been making some pretty crazy changes.  We've gone from seedy, watery, mustard to creamy paste like mustard.  After a couple days of not pooping I began to worry but she finally pooped today and it was awful.  I've changed a million babies diapers, of all different ages, in my life but I never realized just how much their poop changes with them as they grow.  I can only imagine what it's going to be like tomorrow when we see how this formula introduction affects her. 

For pictures today I must explain.  Grandma and tried to get a good picture for her baby book page entitled "One month milestones"  where I got to write all the things she's done, discovered, and experienced in her first month of life as well as glue in a picture of her today.  The thing about taking pictures of babies is that you've got to take 5 million shots before you get the perfect one.  So, today, you get to see all the shots we took along with the final result, a good picture.  Best advice I've got for baby pictures is to let a person be the prop.  Hide under a blanket or beneath/behind a backdrop to hold the baby in place.  If you angle the shot just right you'll be out of the picture and you'll be able to accomplish better poses that way too. 

The shot we kept for her baby book...

And the following are a few of the shots we had to take to get to the perfect one. :)

If you'll notice some of the pictures have my polka dotted shirt in them...  We had a blanket dropped behind her across my legs and belly.  She is sitting between my legs and leaning back against me.  She was content being right beside Mom and that made it easier to accomplish the perfect shot. :)

Upcoming news... We're going to Warrensburg this weekend.  She's going to get to meet everybody she didn't get to see the last time.  ALSO going to meet her other grandma for the first time.  I'm excited and nervous about that all at the same time. I've never met her dad's mom, I've only talked to her on the phone throughout my pregnancy.  As far as I know she'll be getting to meet her grandma, great aunt, great grandma, and her aunt on Saturday!  I'm so very glad that I have the ability to be in contact with and have the support of the other half of her family even without the involvement of her dad.  It's incredibly important to know each and every bit of family she has so that she has some idea of where she comes from and who she is in that sense.  I hope that she appreciates it someday too. 

Lots of fun this week so far.  Lily got to see her Great Grandma Waters, Great Aunt Deb, and second cousin Tori.  Tori brought her an adorable outfit too, which I will be posting pictures of tomorrow by Grandma's request even though its still too big. :) 

Went to Lifeline today and got Lily weighed.... She has gained some weight and is now 7 pounds 5 ounces.  That's a huge plus, as I was worried about her weight gain for just a minute.  She is developing wonderfully.  She can hold her head up for a few seconds at a time, with little control and can move from side to side. She responds to visuals and sounds by turning her head towards or away from them.  Breast feeding is still going great.  I'm beginning to really worry about continuing to breastfeed after I go to work though.  I have issues with the pump.  No matter how hard I try to relax, I'm just uncomfortable with the pump altogether and therefore cannot release milk to be pumped.  Also, after I go back to work if I'm not regularly pumping while I'm at work, like every 2 hours, my milk supply will dry up so I'm afraid that she'll have to be switched to formula far sooner than I wanted her to be.  I have to get back to work and get saving to get school paid off, buy a car, and prepare to get outta Mom and Dad's house too and I can't very well rely on the "maybes" of child support from her dad to cover the cost of diapers, wipes, and any and every other possible baby supply necessary, including formula. 

Biggest news of the week above all else.... Lily rolled over from her belly to her back today. 3 TIMES IN A ROW!!!!!!!!  It's already begun to make me sad and happy all at the same time to know that she's, in the most simple ways, growing up.  On one hand I'm so very excited to see her grow and learn and develop in every way but on the other I wish she'd just stay an infant forever so that I can snuggle her every possible moment. 

Possible good news for Mommy too.  I may have a full time position working the during the afternoons back at Casey's.  No overnights for me this time.  Yuck.  And I may be able to apply for the 2nd Asst. Manager position for the afternoon shift also.  Steady hours, paycheck, and benefits would be incredible to have.  That would make my upcoming months of preparation to be a single Mommy without the help of Grandma and Grandpa so much easier.  They're not in any hurry to get rid of me, but I know I have to get out and stand on my own two feet too. I have to be a strong example for my baby girl to learn from.

Pictures today include the visit from this week and a couple of belly time pictures I took today.  :)

Going to start today's blog with a picture I took just a little while ago.  Crazy eyes.  :) She didn't like the flash. At all.

Today I think we found our walking path.  If I can I'm going to walk it with her every day.  It took us about an hour and a half today and today I was lucky enough to have a sleepin' baby for the entire trip.  Not only do I enjoy getting out of the house with her going somewhere besides the grocery store or doctor's appointments but it's a good way to get back into exercising so that I can work at losing all 51 of these baby pounds.  It's not my biggest concern right now because I need to focus on breast feeding and Lily's weight gain.  That puts my weight loss on the back burner. 

Today after we returned from our walk we joined Grandma on the back porch to enjoy the weather before the rain started.  We've enjoyed the recent developments in Lily's faces lately too.  She's got some recognizable poo faces that are just friggin' adorable.  During one of these poo faces I got to experience another of the great rites of passage into motherhood.  She pooed all over me.  Filled her diaper and it ran out the sides, down her leg, and all over Mommy.  We undressed her outside, wiped off as much as we could and took her to the bath immediately where we also found that she hates being in the tub alone.  Since the traumatic experience with the sink bath she's been taking baths with Mommy and she loves it.  I'm sure it feels similar to the womb and is comforting to be submerged in warm water with Mommy right there with her.  I've thoroughly enjoyed taking baths with her too. 

Due to these baths my 5 stitches from my tearing have dissolved and I'm back to normal now.  Post partem bleeding has also stopped. I had imagined it would have lasted another week or two but I'm glad its over. 

All in all we're both doing wonderfully.  We'll be planning another trip to Warrensburg next weekend and this time we'll be seeing anybody and everybody. :)

Today was great fun.  Lily and I took her stroller out for a spin.  The first half of the walk she enjoyed it but the second half she wasn't too happy.  Had to stop in front of an old woman's house because Lily was screaming her head off and I had to calm her down before we could walk any further.  The woman came outside frantically asking if I needed any help.  She, like everybody else, gave all the compliments and oos and ahhhs over Lily.  Those are some mighty proud moments for this Momma.  She is so perfect, and I know it, but it's so personally rewarding knowing that the rest of the world is aware of her beauty too. 

Didn't get a nap today since we took a walk.  This one's going to be short.  I'll be sure to upload a few pictures of Lily tomorrow. 

Happy Friday!  I've been noticing more and more development with Lily.  She's more visually attentive and follows things with her eyes.  She makes direct eye contact when you talk to her.  She is beginning to coo and make tiny whimpering noises when she sleeps and when she's awake.  Every day seems to bring more and more progress and growth.  All the tiny tiny things I never thought about before are now the highlights of every single day. 

Today Mom finished putting together the mobile that she and I created while I was pregnant.  It's Doctor Who themed, of course.  Four dangling parts including a TARDIS, dalek, bowtie, and a sonic screwdriver.  It will have a DW logo on the top part of it where the music comes out.  We thought about trying to find a way to include the intro theme music or the sounds of the TARDIS but that will probably be far too difficult. 

I've started pumping breastmilk to begin stock piling for when I go back to work and Grandma will be babysitting.  I'm having some issues with the pumping though.  I have always been known for psyching myself out and mentally freaking out about anything and everything and this is no different.  I know it's too early to be truly successful and it'll be a learning process, but I still worry.  Lily is gaining weight and has plenty of poopy and wet diapers every day so I know that she's being properly nourished.  I just feel like I'm not pumping nearly as much milk as I should be each time.  I know its a psychological thing and I have to relax to ensure a good milk flow, that's just hard for me.  Hopefully it gets easier. 

We've had a couple of sessions trying to get some good newborn pictures taken but haven't had much luck.  It's so hard to get the perfect shot, especially with tiny wiggly babies like Miss Lily.  Seems like every shot is just a second or two off from the perfect shot.  Hopefully we'll have some good ones to show off soon. 

I don't have a new picture today.  We've not been taking many pictures the last couple of days.  Spending all my time feeding her and in down time we snuggle and take naps together.  I'll definitely be glad when she gets on a more regular eating and sleeping schedule.  For now we're just doing both on demand, whenever she wants to and for however long she wants to.  Really can't believe she's 3 weeks old today.

Gotta couple of fun things to report.  Lily got to take her first real bath in the kitchen sink.  She absolutely hated it.  I'm guessing the sink surface was probably cold and the water kept running out due to a bad plug.  We surely won't be doing that again. 

Last night I decided to try taking a bath with her in the big tub.  She loved it.  It was calming and warm and I'm sure she was more relaxed because Mommy was right there with her for the entire experience.  She still doesn't like to be naked but I'm sure eventually she'll learn to love the bath tub. 

Went to her 1 month check up today even though she's only 19 days old so far.  Doctor says she's perfect.  She's gaining weight and developing wonderfully.  Currently sitting at 6 pounds and 12 ounces she's returned to her birth weight and then some.  Still measuring 19.5 inches long but I don't think that's going to last too long.  I'm preparing myself for this girl to be well over my height.  She'll definitely be somewhere between mine and her dad's height which would put her at about 6 foot even.

Her hair is starting to thin out on the top and will continue to do so until most of it is gone. :(  Then we'll get to start the real fun and see what texture her real hair will be.  I've heard so many tips and tricks for managing biracial babies' hair that it makes my head spin.  Guess we'll have to see what she's got before I start worrying about how to maintain it.  Already dealing with super dry skin and still haven't quite conquered it.  Doctor told us today to try plain vaseline or aquafor. 

My mom and I attend a breast feeding support group meeting every month at the WIC office and after this last meeting the WIC lady, Lisa, has asked me to provide one on one coaching to the other new mom's that have no idea what they're doing with breast feeding.  I'm going to do it and I'm pretty excited about it.  I know exactly what its like to be alone and in need of support and I'm more than willing to help out any other new mommy that needs it too.  Especially considering Lily and I haven't had any problems at all with breastfeeding besides my milk taking a few extra days to finally come in.  This will be yet another journey that Lily and I can take together.  She's already a tiny little humanitarian helping the world around her.  :) 

Gotta couple of pictures of her sink bath to share.  Her dad doesn't like for me to share her naked butt all over facebook so I only posted one picture there.  Here I can show off as many as I'd like and not have to argue with him about it.  I promise though, Lily was not harmed in any way for this bath, it just looks like it because she hated every moment of it.

I know that the nurses must tell every new mom that their babies are adorable but when it comes to Miss Lily they've got to mean it.  She is so very beautiful and her beauty increases every time I look at her.  Every time we leave the house she is showered with compliments and ooos and ahhhs from every single person that looks at her.  Also, just like Mommy, they all love her hair.  It's so dark and there's so much of it.  I hope that she doesn't lose much of it at all. 

Today Mommy went to the doctor for a 2 week checkup.  Mostly just to make sure I wasn't hemorrhaging and to discuss plans for birth control.  Currently I seriously don't want any more children, ever.  But I can't promise that I will continue to feel that way so I opted out of getting my tubes tied.  I have been thinking about and IUD though and I think that's going to be the best possible option.  It's zero maintenance and can be removed if I change my mind before the allotted time...  I definitely don't want to be having any more babies any time soon but I didn't want to remove my ability to change my mind later so I think the IUD is going to be the best possible option for me.

Besides getting a clean bill of health so far I have begun the weight loss journey after pregnancy.  During my pregnancy I gained 51 pounds and so far I've lost 10 of those pounds.  I'm going to be trying to fit in some yoga and/or light workouts daily if I can and I'm going to get out with Lily in her stroller and start walking again.  Hopefully I can get beyond my pre pregnancy weight by about 25 pounds or so.  I'm ready for my clothes to fit comfortably again.  

Tomorrow Lily will get weighed at WIC so we'll know how much weight she has gained so far.  I'm excited to see how big my baby's gotten already.  :)

So we tried out the baby sling today... Hated it.  I think she's just too small to really get comfortable in there and personally, I just don't trust it.  That's probably more due to my being an overprotective Mommy but I know I will eventually ease up on the worrying.  We'll probably give it another try after a few more weeks when Lily has a little more control of her head and neck movements.  Lily got her first real bath today too.  She basically hated it though.  We did it in the kitchen sink in an effort to keep her warmer in a smaller "tub".  The plug for the sink wasn't the best though so the water still drained out in the middle of her bath and she began to freeze anyway.  Next time we'll be in the big bath tub where we can better control the water.  Bath times sure are my favorite though.  Babies always smell soo soo soo good after their baths and Lily seems to love being massaged with her lotion right after a bath too.  She is definitely a little like her Momma too as she loves it when I brush her hair. 

I am absolutely and completely amazed by everything she does, every breath she takes, and every move she makes.  I've truly never felt anything like the love, pride, and joy I feel in being her Mommy and knowing I get to take half the credit for creating her.  I have always known I would be a Mommy someday and a fantastic one at that and finally after years of doubt I get to be.  Sometimes I doubt my own judgement and knowledge of raising children but I try to stay confident and strong.  I really don't have any other choice.  Being a single mom is twice as hard as I had ever imagined especially when the relationship with Lily's dad is not the greatest all the time.  Makes me that much more thankful for all the baby exposure I've already had though.  I'm plenty familiar with babies of all ages and stages. 

For today I found this picture that somebody took while we were snuggled up on the couch.  I sure do look like hell but it doesn't matter in the slightest.  These snuggly moments are the ones I will be sure to never forget as I know someday Lily will grow up and stop wanting to snuggle with her Mommy. 

Well the entire week was pretty uneventful up until last night.  My days seem as though they're beginning to run together so I can't very well keep track of what happened on which day this week.  Earlier in the week we tried to do a photo shoot with Grandma and Grandpa and that has turned into an ongoing process.  It's hard to keep babies content and sleepy to take newborn pictures.  In the midst of all the outfit changes we had to change a dirty diaper too so we thought it was the best time to work on the cute naked baby photos.... Turns out Lily thought it was the best time to PEE ON MOMMY!  I have been around tons of babies most of my life so it was nothing new, just one of those rites of passage every parent gets to go through with their children. 

After her bath yesterday I noticed that Lily's hair is beginning to get a little kinky.  Maybe it will turn into some kinda curls, but I doubt it.  Either way I think she'll have perfect hair.  :)  I've been trying to conquer her dry skin too lately and I think I finally found my saving grace. Johnson's baby lotion with shea and cocoa butter.  It smells so so good and works wonders on her soft baby skin.  Also yesterday after her bath and first late night feeding I discovered that Lily's umbilical cord had fallen off.  Currently she's got an outie, but I've been told that it very well could change to an innie.  Super excited for her to be able to take a real bath and to go swimming.  I hope that I get cleared by my doctor for swimming soon too so that we can go together! 

As far as my own personal healing goes I think I'm doing well.  Some days I'm more tired than others but I think that just comes with the breastfeeding territory and Lily hasn't exactly found her way into an eating schedule yet either.  During labor I tore just a little bit and ended up with 5 stitches and they're my only true complaint.  They're so uncomfortable, itchy, and just a pain in my rear.  Literally.  Breastfeeding is going great as far as I can tell too.  The only issue we've come across is Lily's inability to stay awake through the entire feeding.  So, instead of 20 minutes on each breast we have to switch back and forth twice after 10 minutes on each side so that she can be reawakened in between.  Takes a little longer to get her belly full, but I know that it's soooo worth it.  After getting a feeding rhythm down I have discovered why so many women choose not to breast feed.  It takes an insane amount of dedication, time, and perseverance.  I don't think I've experienced the worst kind of engorgement yet, but I'm getting there.  Sometimes I really feel like my chest is going to explode if Lily sleeps for longer than 4 hours without waking to eat.  Nipple soreness dissipated to basically nothing after the first few days and has stayed pretty painless.  I think a lot of that is due to constant moisturizing with lanolin in between feedings and then directly after each feeding I have applied a lanolin free nipple butter to relieve the soreness.  It works wonders and will be a product that I will recommend to every new mommy in the future.

Two days ago Lily tried out her motorized swing for the first time.  I had just been a little nervous about the angle of the back and Lily's ability to keep her head stable so I hadn't tried it out yet.  Turns out my baby girl is stronger than I had thought and she loved the swing.  Lights and sounds are still kind of pointless as she's completely unaware of them I think, but she loved the swinging motion.

 Last night was the first night she slept in her crib.  I know, I know, I read all about SIDS and co-sleeping and told myself I wouldn't do it.  But then she was born, and I held her, and never wanted to let her go.  So for the first two weeks, I didn't.  She spent the last few nights sleeping right next to my bed in her bassinet and she did great so I decided to leave the bassinet in the living room so she has a place to sleep through the day without being forced to put her in her crib in the very back of the house.  (Maybe a little overprotective but I just don't want her that far away from me and I can't let myself trust baby monitors)  First night in her crib was a success though and we will continue to sleep in our separate beds no matter how badly Mommy wants to cuddle.  I will save the snuggling for the daytime naps she takes.  

Tomorrow, after I get some much needed laundry done, I think we'll try out the baby sling thingamajig.  It will probably be a comical experience for me as I've never used one before so we'll have pictures to document our adventure. :)

All in all the weekend was a great success.  Got to see a lot of the family, but not all.  Lily got to meet her Dad for the first time and that was easier than I had anticipated. 

We went down Friday afternoon and got to meet baby Sebastian.  That boy sure is a chunk.  He's only a couple of weeks older than Lily but he's so much bigger than her!  Got a couple of pictures of the baby cousins together and they're absolutely precious.  Had a great time visiting with my brother and Kierra too.  Here are the babies together...

Both the kids have that signature Brandt codfish face when they sleep.

Saturday morning Lily met her Dad for the first time.  He spent a few hours with her and held her.  I think he was genuinely excited to finally get to see her.  It was kind of awkward for him too though considering he'd only ever been around a baby a couple of other times before then.  He picked up pretty quickly how to hold her, snuggle her close to make her feel secure, and use his body to rock her back to sleep.  He was eager to learn when it came to holding her but was reluctant to change a diaper or to burp her effectively which I can understand with his lack of experience with babies.  I, on the other hand, have been playing with all the babies since I was a little kid so none of that is new to me.  I'm glad that he finally got to meet her and I hope that he will be a regular part of her life in a positive and productive manner. 

Sunday we got as much of the family as possible together for a little picnic at the park.  Zack was contagious with his sickness so the kiddos didn't get to go but we stopped by their house on our way out of town and saw them for a little while.  Grandparents and aunts and uncles all came to the park so we had some dogs and burgers and enjoyed each others company for a couple hours.  Every body got to see Sebastian again and they all got to meet Lily too.  It was her first time being outside for more than 3 minutes and I was definitely a lot nervous about it.  She did great though.  She wasn't too fussy, until it was time to eat and she didn't really mind being passed along from one family member to the next as they all took turns realizing just how beautiful she is.

  Aunt Cortney and the kiddos got to meet baby Lily too.  Liberty was really concerned about her umbilical cord still being attached and Bubba gave her a single kiss but was done with her after that.  Liberty was about a full pound smaller than Lily when she was born but I truly can't remember her ever being sooooo tiny. 

After all was said and done we had a great weekend with the family.  I never realized how nerve racking it is to take a newborn away from home for a weekend.  It felt like we had been gone for a week by the time we finally got home.  Just as I had thought, I packed far too many clothes for her, but I'm glad I was prepared for anything.  I know this post has plenty of pictures but I've got one more.  Mommy and Lily snuggled up and gettin' cozy.  :)

Today Lily finally pooped!!!  Since she is a breast fed baby and my milk didn't come in until Tuesday/Wednesday she hadn't pooped since we left the hospital so I was beginning to worry about her.  All is well though.  I swear she pooped enough to last her a week in a single diaper.  I have been Aunt Nicky for going on 7 years now and a babysitter for twice as long so I've changed my fair share of diapers.  I definitely don't remember them being that unpleasant though.  Yuck.  Beyond that we had a pretty uneventful day.  I packed her diaper bag for the whole weekend since we'll be going to visit family and meet her baby cousin Sebastian and I'm pretty sure I went a little overboard in preparing.  That's okay though, I'd rather have too many clothes and not need them than not have enough for her.  We've got quite the weekend ahead of us so I probably won't have a post until after we get back home.  I'll have plenty of pictures of Lily meeting her whole family and meeting Sebastian when we return too. 

Never knew I could love another person so much and I love her more and more each day.

Doctor's appointment went well.  Lily lost a total of 8 ounces since she was born.  4 ounces before we left the hospital and 4 more since then.  She should start chubbin' up now that she'll be getting breast milk instead of colostrum when she feeds.  Jaundice is completely gone and she's got another checkup in a couple of weeks.

Also got to see the Lifeline ladies and they were all so excited to meet Miss Lily.  They all agreed she is so, so, so beautiful and I don't blame them.  I mean, duh, she IS my daughter. :)  The pregnancy resource center has been a great source of information and super helpful in getting some baby supplies too.  They sent us home today with a basket full of goodies to welcome Lily into the world. It was full of all kinds of clothes, blankets, diapers, wipes, bath stuff, pacifiers, and tons of other stuff too.  So glad I went through with the Lifeline programs and support.  They are absolutely amazing.  Oh, and they took some pictures of Lily to be featured in their newsletter and on their facebook page.  I'll have to find out how to get ahold of a copy of them to keep.

Sorry its sideways, can't figure out how to rotate in this blog program...

Now that we know she's adjusting well and breastfeeding is going great we will be making a trip to Warrensburg to meet everyone including baby Sebastian.  Lily will also be seeing her dad for the first time.  Being that he and I aren't and haven't been together since I got pregnant I'm kinda nervous about it.  I have all kinds of emotions regarding the entire situation with him.  Currently I'm mostly just disappointed that I was right.  He swore up and down and promised for months that he'd be there when she was born because it was important to him but I knew it wouldn't happen that way and it didn't.  I am holding onto a shred of hope that he'll make some positive changes in his life after he sees her.  I know that having children, bonding, and feeling the responsibility therein is different for everybody and completely different for men so I'm hoping that maybe seeing her gorgeous eyes staring up at him will be the swift kick in the ass he needs to turn his life around for her.  I'm going to continue to be hopeful as its all I can really do at this point. 

Since I thought Lily was going to be bigger than she was I didn't invest in any newborn sized clothes so she doesn't have much to choose from until she starts growing.  Today she was summery and gorgeous. :)  With her perfect skin tone I believe she will look fantabulous in any and every color.  Sheesh, she's just perfect. 

Also, if any of you reading this know, speak to, or know anyone that does speak to Lily's dad I ask that you do not share any of this information regarding him.  I don't need any more stress in that department than I already have.  This is a private and intimate blog and I trust that you'll respect my privacy.  Thank you.

Tuesday was full of fun and excitement for Miss Lily.  We went to WalMart and boy was it an adventure.  Took 25 minutes to prepare her, her carseat, and her diaper bag for the trip.   She enjoyed the cart ride until she got restless in her carseat and that's when Grandma decided she needed to be carried and snuggled until we finished shopping.  We got a nursing pillow and I love it.  Makes breast feeding that much easier.  Couldn't find any reasonably priced baby socks that would fit her tiny little legs.  This girl's got some feet on her, but her legs are so skinny her socks just fall right off.  All in all it was a good trip and she is the most perfect baby.

I've always been on the giving side of compliments when it comes to babies.  I've never been the Mommy receiving them, and let me tell you... I have never felt so much pride and joy and, of course, I couldn't agree with them any more.  She is absolutely gorgeous and completely amazing to me in a new way every time I look at her.  I had spent the past 9 months bonding with her, reading to her, talking to her, and feeling her every move but it really was an instantaneous change the moment I held her in my arms.  The all new feeling of completely unconditional love and adoration washed over me in a way I can't even begin to describe.  

For today we've got her first doctor's appointment.  Gotta check up on her jaundice level and see if she's gained back the 4 ounces she lost while we were in the hospital.  Jaundice levels were basically normal in the hospital and no real concern.  The doctor only suggested frequent feeding and a little exposure to indirect sunlight to ensure it goes away.  This afternoon we're going to go see the Lifeline Pregnancy Center ladies so that they can see Lily for the first time.  More to come later today! :)

Also, for fun, here are some of Lily's stats based on her birthday...

Sign: Cancer
Birthstone: Ruby
Conceived: October 12, 2012
Native American Sign: Woodpecker
Plant: Wild Rose
 

 As of 9:31p.m. on July 5, 2013 I am the proud mommy of the most gorgeous LilyAnn Rebecca Brown.  Here you will find my daily (hopefully) blogs of our every day life together and my journey into and through being the mother I have dreamt of being since I was a child.  I know this adventure has only begun and will prove to be the greatest, proudest, and most trying accomplishment of my life.  I have always wondered what the unconditional love and adoration for and from your own child feels like and I've only begun to understand.  She is my world, my life, my heart, and my everything.  I hope that this blog will help my and her family feel close to her even if y'all can't be in her life every day.  

Born Friday evening and released from the hospital Sunday afternoon with a clean bill of health.  We have had an amazing couple of days at home together already.  On Monday Lily's great grandma Betty and great aunt Deb came to meet her and, of course, fell in love. 

Grandma, Grandpa, and I have already got tons upon tons of pictures taken and there are plenty more to come every day.  I'll try to include a new picture with each daily blog entry.  For today, we've got Miss Lily in an adorable dress and the only headband that will fit her tiny head just so happens to match.  :)